Wednesday, November 16, 2011

on a slightly different note


Did I overstate my case? I know that I am not the only person that objects to using the terminology of terminal illness. The phrase has a decidedly deathly ring to it. When you have a terminal illness you are going to die. Everything until that point is just a wait for death. Even though I am more likely to die from this cancer than from any other cause, I could live for another ten years or more. No one knows.

In any event, writing about the issue certainly put an end to being upset.

My son believes that the psychologist wanted me to face the fact that I am going to die. At some point in the session I told him (the psychologist) that you could only face death when it happens. I don't think he agreed.

Days later. The tiredness and low energy that lasted till the weekend seems to have gone. Yesterday managed shopping, saw a movie - 50:50, managed some shopping and a meeting in the evening.

50:50 was an interesting film. Unfortunately we had to shiver in a very cold cinema while the temperature outside touched 35 degrees Celcius (why can't I find a degree symbol on the iPad?). The film is about a young guy that gets cancer. Interesting in part with a Hollywood decreed happy ending. There was much that we could relate to though.

I bought a pack of hand sanitisers! Something that I would have rejected as bordering on paranoia not so long ago. I keep them to wipe my hands when I have had to shake lots of people's hands. In my book this is not recommended for normal people. Just for the likes of me who have become prone to infection through chemotherapy. One guy was clearly sick with a streaming nose. I refused to shake his hand.

So I have been feeling strong once again. Tomorrow it's time for chemotherapy. That is a positive thing. I feel energised for a few days until the fatigue sets in. Perhaps it is the cortisone that makes all that energy available. The doctor says that my condition is stable. Another positive. No need for me to focus on dying!

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